“Dangerous Love” by Chad Ford
One line captured my attention, “Conflict feels dangerous for most people.” And we rolled downhill from there, because love becomes dangerous when conflict is involved. Love hurts.
But how do you get past that, and round out the world you’re living in if you never face the conflict and realize the outcome. If you never transform the problem into a solution. If you remain forever in conflict, how do you find the basis that will diminish the disputes of life into relationships where love can grow?
Chad Ford offers a dramatically different perspective of life that sorts out the struggles of conflict and makes solution sound like a possibility. Love and conflict may not sound like words that flow together, but if you can move beyond the horrors of disagreeing with your opponent, your opponent can become your friend.
“Nothing is “safe” in dangerous love,” Ford insists as he explains that there are risks in life, and love is a risk when conflict is involved. The energy required to find solutions for conflict can drive the remarkably effective transformation of dangerous love to love over fear. Remove fear by facing conflict. As blogger, Ryan Biddulph is prone to say, “Fear is an obsession that doesn’t leave room for love.”
Ford’s reference to bad persons allows for the conflict of transformational training, acknowledging that there are ways to move from conflict to solution, even when dealing with those whose success in life is being evil. You don’t have to accept loss in this circumstance, even though the struggle appears to be beyond your ability to overcome. Ford’s solution is to push through and create an identity and self-worth capable of facing down the bad actor. Be bigger than the struggle. In the case of Mariam vs. Mahmoud, each time she was rebuffed, she tried a new tact. Being nice to him didn’t work. Paying him didn’t work. He refused to work with her no matter what, but she focused on resolution.
Fortunately Mariam didn’t run. With Ford’s assistance, she looked for Mahmoud’s problem. She sought to understand the potential problem from his perspective, without adding her problem to the mix. She offered to solve his problem. Without asking for anything at that point, she offered him a solution. Then when he accepted that she was able to begin the process of acknowledging his “personhood” and give his problem the adequate and well deserved attention he needed from her, she was able to see Mahmoud as a person. This helped her to bring about a radical change and be a true blessing to him. Afterward, she was able to work through the conflict and gain the results she’d wanted from the beginning, but the results were better. She truly had created a relationship that made Mahmoud her friend.
Ford opens up doors of conflict resolution through step-by-step processes that help case after case find solutions. His experience in envisioning dangerous love and finding ways to avoid the conflict through a process of building understanding is a welcome shift from the ongoing battle of non-resolution that has existed for a while here in our country.
I recommend this book. But more, I recommend applying the concepts and using the strategies that build collaborative relationships that help others.
by Kendall Townsend, posted by Michael Rand