8 Qualities to Master in the Pursuit of Living a Meaningful Life  — And in Dealing with Tragedy By Laura Gabayan

In 2013, I developed random bodily symptoms and my body began to deteriorate. I was erroneously diagnosed with a medical condition and, after several years of witnessing medicine and its desire to give me a label of a “known” condition, I went in search of those with out-of-the-box thinking.

Following this experience, I decided to study wisdom. The information I found about wisdom was either subjective or anecdotal. So, to scientifically define wisdom, I began speaking to those who embody wisdom the most — the wise.

I created the Wisdom Research Project and interviewed 60 wise adults who had been recommended as “wise” by others who knew them. These wise people spanned across industries, cultures, and socio-economic groups. One was a concentration camp survivor, another was CEO of five companies, one was a librarian, and another was a widow two times over. 

My findings proved fascinating. Unlike society’s view of a wise person, which often had to do with accomplishment or wealth, I found that wisdom was a state of being — a mindset. From my interviews, my team and I distilled eight elements that comprise wisdom: resilience, kindness, positivity, spirituality, humility, tolerance, creativity, and curiosity. These are qualities that each of us can master to become both wiser and happier.

Several of the wise people interviewed had experienced great hardship, yet they retained a sense of positivity. As a victim of the Palisades fire, leaving me and my family uprooted, I am trying to draw from their examples. I know I must be resilient and positive. My interviewees had overcome greater obstacles, yet they weren’t bitter or angry — they were at peace.

As I face the loss of my home and community, I keep reminding myself that things work out and that they happen for me, and not to me. How this will manifest I still don’t know. But I do know that the elements I found in my study and describe in my book are helping me better handle this great tragedy.

For example:

Positivity – It’s this quality that has kept me going. In between anxiety and despair, I’ve maintained a sense of optimism and hope. People who are optimistic don’t sweat the small stuff. It just isn’t worth it. Being positive not only feels better, it helps when we must overcome life’s challenges. It’s also habit forming. As I thought about the devastation, I kept thinking about how lucky I had been to have lived there for 18 years. It’s being positive that will help build resilience.  

Spirituality – We are surrounded so much by fear of the unknown. My kids don’t know what will happen with their education. We don’t know where we will relocate. I don’t know how I will manage given my physical limitations. There’s much anxiety and I have to get away from it. What keeps me going is living in faith and not in fear. I have to believe that it will work out. I don’t know how, but I have to convince myself that it will. 

Curiosity – This is something that’s hard to think of when going through a devastating event. There’s a focus on the physical and the many to-dos, with little room for anything else. Yet it’s curiosity that will foster our hope and optimism. Being curious about the future takes me out of doing and puts me into a state of being, even if it’s just for a minute. Curiosity enables me to take an interest in things outside my circumstances and seek to learn about new possibilities. 

Note: Dr. Gabayan will be a panelist at the 11th Annual SoCal Wellness Summit on March 18 at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles. The event is designed to bring the community together for wellness.

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Dr. Laura Gabayan is a world-renowned physician, researcher, and Psychology Today contributor. Through her Wisdom Research Project, she interviewed 60 wise adults across North America and defined eight fundamental elements of wisdom. She describes her findings in her new book, Common Wisdom: 8 Scientific Elements of a Meaningful Life(Redwood Publishing, March 17, 2024), and Common Wisdom Journal (Dec. 2024). For more information, visit lauragabayan.com. 

Michael Rand